Gaining Through Solitude

The fear of loss can be gripping, paralyzing, life zapping. I recently had a conversation with a friend who spent a lot of time in quiet and alone. He had lived such a full life, with so much loss and sadness. I asked him about his past and noted "there has been so much loss." Without a thought, he responded, "oh yes, but there has been so much gain." 

He spent a lot of time alone. He cherished the space between sounds, the ways life found him when he paused. Meditation was a portal into loss where he accessed the gains. My dear friend showed me the poignant power in embracing losses and allowing what else is true to be present as well. 

​The acceptance of loss and the ability to see what is gained through every loss, change, transition or phase brought can bring peace. Grieving what has been is important, vital, a process that cannot be scheduled or rushed. Beyond grief lives the ability to release attachment to fear of future loss. 

​I am spending more time alone these days. The difference between alone and lonely is clear to me. Sacred space, quiet time, solitude are all exquisite. Solo experience can also be grueling and uncomfortable. The difference is all in the mind, my mind, the perspective chosen on the present moment. When I embrace the gift of being with myself, of showing up for myself, I get to lose the fear of losing or missing out. 

It is rainy and cold outside. The pull to hibernate and reflect is undeniable. I can hear the voice inside nagging with an insistence to go out, do something productive, judging me for being alone instead of socializing with someone.

The fear or dread of missing out, either on what I desire or what I see others doing, has stolen many magical moments from me. In times of quiet, there is a loss of stimulation. This can be uncomfortable to sit with. The absence of noise is a loss, yet it is also a gain. Have you ever noticed what becomes possible when noise fades away? The gain in silence is inner connection, spiritual sustenance, access to what lives quietly amidst the noise of most moments. Meditation and mediative moments are a treasure chest of possibility to explore...

Yes, there is loss, yet it is true, too... "There is so much gain." Take this perspective with you today and see what shows up. What lives in the space where loss might also be present? How does quiet nurture you when you allow it?

In this new year beginning, I am sending so much love.

With Huge Heart,
Darcy Helene