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They don't answer your phone call. Text messages go unanswered. You hit stand still traffic on your way to an important meeting. The person in front of you at the store gives you a funny look that you swear is a quiet, condescending judgment. Does your mind have a fear-fueled field day or do you keep your equilibrium?
If we are honest, many of us will admit that things like this turn us into anything but peaceful. We assume we are being rejected, neglected, judged or something else we really don't want to be true. These beliefs, the automatic reaction that things are going wrong or what we fear is about to crash into us, are one of the ways we give others the power over us. Peace is priceless, yet how many give it away with thought patterns and belief systems? Are you selling your peace to the lowest bidder or giving it away for free? It's time to take your most precious asset off the market! Are you ready to reclaim your power of perspective? The next time you notice yourself in a spiral of fear, assuming the worst or taking something personally, pause and ask "is my peace worth more than I'm selling it for?" Maybe your thoughts are right. Maybe they're not. You can either choose to suffer now and hurt later or prepare yourself for a peaceful passage into what's on it's way. Why dress rehearse tragedy when you can anticipate greatness before it is even visible?They don't come home when planned. Your text messages are left unanswered. Stand still traffic strikes when you're running late for a meeting. The person in front of you gives you a look. Does your peace go out the window in a flash? Life happens and opportunities to sell our peace present themselves all day long. In every moment, there is an option to go into panic, feed fear or believe in disempowering predictions. This turns a simple experience into a melodrama, leaving us to suffer in the meantime. Every experience can be seen from multiple perspectives. The view we choose determines whether we will feel peaceful or bat shit you know what. You might be accustomed to going into negativity zone, what some of my clients have heard me term "so called realistic pessimism." While the truth is they might be ignoring you, something unpredictable could have happened, you might be late for a meeting and the person in front of you at the store might think you look awful. Maybe. Then again, maybe not. Your friend's phone could be turned off or they fell asleep before returning your call, the traffic keeps you from getting in an accident and the person you pass is actually admiring you but they don't have a smile on their face so you can't tell. Which of these realities would you prefer to believe? Either way, you won't know all the facts. You can choose to keep your peace and even feed your positivity bank account regardless of the circumstances. I have had plenty of experience believing disempowering predictions. You've heard "what you think, you become" right? If thought life creates emotional experience, then how peaceful you feel is up to you for the most part. I have spent much of my life selling my peace to others, much of the time without them even knowing it. Sean Stephenson speaks about the power of perspective in his TED Talk (watch it here). This man inspired me to take my peace off the market and fuel empowering predictions, even when thoughts tempted me down the tracks of "what if..." fear zone. Either the mind can be a prison that confines us or a launching pad that springs us into significant and successful living. The truth is, what we fear might happen. We might get disappointed. Someone we love might get hurt or hurt me. We will be late for meetings and have disapproval from many. The truth is also that amazing things might happen. In order to keep the peace and feel happy, safe and receptive to the goodness of life, we have to believe empowering predictions. Some might say "you're unrealistic." Okay, maybe. Then again, maybe not. What if believing the best is happening actually makes the best happen? We can imagine the "worst case scenario" in a hot second. Beginning to believe in those empowering predictions, what we desire, the incredible miracles that could be around every corner, turns panic into peace. Which would you rather live with? Why live in panic when there is so much to savor? Life is going to keep happening. Claiming your perspective and living with peace is completely within your control. Doesn't it feel more empowering, comfortable and worthwhile to think about how loved you are instead of focusing on the grump who stared you down in the store? Learning to protect your peace and turn your mind in a positive direction takes time, consistency and coaching. Have you been selling your precious serenity for pennies or even giving it away to people who don't even want it? It's time to take your peace off the market and enjoy playing with "what's the best that could happen" game. Need some specific tips on how to take your peace off the market once and for all? Contact me now for a free strategy call. You Go You, Darcy Lubow Reinvention & Recovery Coaching: Aligned Life & Sustained Success Commitment.
This is a concept many talk about and few actually follow through on. Consciously, that is. We are all committed to something. What I find is that unconscious commitments take us out, leaving the things we actually say we want to follow through on impossible. If we are committed to being right and our core belief says "I am unworthy of happiness, love, health, etc" then every attempt to be happy, loved, healthy, etc will be sabotaged. This sucks, right? There is a way around this unfortunate formula. Shedding light on what we are committed to, unconsciously and consciously, paves the way for strategic choices and courageous excavating of those creepy, crawly, booby trap core commitments. A willingness to expose what's within us and has perhaps been driving our behavior makes radical change possible. Saying "I'm willing to be wrong about this belief" changes the game completely. Asking "what do I fear?" will reveal what unconscious commitments we are keeping. Commitment can be scary. There is great risk involved. What's scarier is following unconscious agreements and investing in disempowering predictions for a lifetime. Facing fear and choosing to flip them on their side is a bold move, one that allows a dream life to be created and then lived. What do you find yourself repeatedly doing, creating or reliving? Maybe it's being broke, feeling like the world is against you, believing you are unlovable or destined to screw up anything you cherish. Whatever it is for you, you probably don't want to say it out loud. When you've found that thing that you want to shove under the rug, you've hit the jackpot: this is an unconscious commitment. You've got a choice now, either keep letting this run your life or bring it front and center and have a conversation with the little bugger. We all have hurdles, life lessons and points of pain. Every single person on this planet is operating from fear or ignorance in one form or another. This is just part of being human. When honesty is chosen and the decision to take back the driver seat of your mind (where it all starts) and life, the opportunity to quit some commitments consciously arrives. What do you really, really want? If you had no fear, if there was an unwavering trust that you were safe in living something, with someone, in some way, what would that be? With a magic wand in hand, how would you create your dream life? These are the beginnings of what you could be committed to, once you free up the space of unconscious allegiances to those beliefs tying you down. Commitment is a very noble, life affirming, worthwhile thing, when it is done with eyes wide open. Being present and staying the course with a dream, an agreement, a relationship, a vision is what brings meaning and a sense of purpose to life. Discovering what matters most, the underlying beliefs that have been standing in the way, and a how to guide for getting from unconscious to conscious requires a mentor, coach or companion (maybe one of each!). In my experience, it takes objective perspective, along with our own intuition, to make headway. Why navigate new terrain alone when there are others who have walked the dark road and know where the potholes are? Maybe there's an unconscious, or shadow, belief that you are undeserving of receiving support or really and truly living a life where you feel loved, cherished, safe and on purpose. I am going to challenge you, right now, to quit that commitment and cut ties with the allegiance to that disempowering prediction. It is simply not true. As a certified depth coach, trained therapist, shadow process advocate, and woman who has walked through land mines of my own mind with trusted guides, I know the life changing value of coming face to face with unconscious beliefs. When I got real about what I was committed to without knowing it, I discovered untapped resources and dreams waiting to be claimed. Are you committed to your fears and low level living, self sabotage and spinning in circles? Or do you dare to cut ties with what's keeping you from living your dream life and commit to what really matters? For more on how to access your power and commit on purpose, be in touch with me now. You are anything but alone and support is here. Who knows what miraculous shift is on the other side of saying "I quit"? This could be the breakthrough you've been praying for. Go ahead, quit that commitment and choose again. I believe in you. With Huge Heart, Darcy Emotions.
They can make or break us. Feelings create meaning in experiences, yet can cause as much difficulty as they do amazement. Emotional literacy has become a passion of mine, something I am known for in my professional work, but it wasn't always this way. I struggled for years to understand my emotions and in feeling them, putting words to my experience, then moving through them so they can be processed and pass. As a child, I felt deeply. As a woman, I still do. The intensity of the emotions I felt was paralyzing, overwhelming, scary, intense and confusing. I didn't know what was what. Oftentimes, I felt profoundly without knowing what I was feeling or where it came from. I have come to see that as a highly sensitive and intuitive person, I tuned into what other people were feeling and took them into my own body and mind. This, combined with a lack of words to express myself (even as a very chatty child), I felt frustrated and emotions turned to physical pain and mental mess. My mom, bless her heart and patience with me, showed me how to tune into my emotions and match sensations with words. It was like learning to speak again, at the age of 9-12. We would sit, me crying, and she would ask about what was happening in my body, my mind, what the day had brought, attempting to make sense of the jumbled culmination of life in my tiny body and busy mind. Slowly and steadily, I started distinguishing basic emotions, one from the other. Ah, so this is anger (one of the more difficult emotions for me to acknowledge, express & feel), that's sadness, this is fatigue. I don't know when it was, some time in the past seven years, I learned just what this was. There's a name for it! I wasn't some mutant, extremely complicated, defective child and human being. ______________________________ ______________________________ _____________ a·lex·i·thy·mi·a (ă-lek-si-thī'mē-ă), Difficulty in recognizing and describing one's emotions, defining them instead in terms of somatic sensations orbehavioral reactions. [G. a- priv. + lexis, word, + -thymia, feelings, passion] ______________________________ ______________________________ _____________ Today, after much practice and self exploration, asking for help, letting others guide me when I couldn't guide myself, trudging difficult inner roads, setting boundaries, learning to protect my mind and energy, expressive arts process, extended education and more practice, I am able to more quickly connect the dots of emotion and words. I have healed this condition, one that kept me trapped in myself, disconnected from others, scared and confused. In moving through the confusion of emotional darkness, I have identified a process to claim emotional mastery. Success comes from systems. Hard earned and incredibly powerful, it's now my privilege to guide others in this same discovery process through this proven system. I have seen hundreds of people who struggled like I did find new clarity and freedom; another sign that out of difficulty comes opportunity when we choose to persevere! What is your relationship with your emotions? Can you name the feeling present in you right now? Every emotion is asking for a need to be met or saying "thank you" for meeting a need. All feelings are messengers of information. Do you know what your feelings are asking or saying? Learning the language of emotions is one step on the path of empowerment and freedom. If you want to (re)invent your life, to live on your terms (core values = what matters most), creating a dialogue with the feelings you feel is key. Grab an ally, get a guide, and live in harmony with those emotions. #thebestisyettocome Want to reach the next level and launch into the best you yet? They key is probably in getting your emotions identified and in check. Reach out to me now to learn the process in emotional mastery. |
Darcy Helene
As an advocate of Reinvention + Recovery, I work with clients to achieve balance, alignment and purpose in all areas 
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