Are you ready to live in your light?
Insecurities can be so familiar. Trapped in fear, doubt and uncertainty, the spiral of insecurity can become a repeating cycle. Becoming a woman who is secure in herself, even with all the humanness that can be embarrassing, messy and unwanted, has been the journey of a lifetime. The initiation of becoming whole, of claiming all that I am, tuning into the strength of what created me and courses through me, this is the work of life.
Living in the light is what most people want and many are afraid of. Marianne Williamson said it well, "it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."
Why is this the case?
Being powerful can threaten the people closest to you. Let's get real, it can threaten parts of yourself and who you have believed yourself to be! The need for acceptance and love might be jeopardized if you step into your inherent strengths and step into the next version of life calling you. Facing the darkness of self doubt and moving beyond playing small takes immense courage. Transforming insecurity leads to the lightness available in self acceptance and embodied greatness.
The tricky thing about insecurity is that they seem to keep you safe, when they are really just familiar. Those nagging doubts, the stories that replay about what you can do and what you can't based on your past, these are all forms of fear. Fear masks as insecurity, self doubt, lack of confidence and resistance to change. The truth us, insecurities are attempts to stay safe. They are not the enemy, fear is just operating on beliefs that are not fully accurate.
When insecurities can be seen from this perspective, the resistance softens and the fear can be used to your benefit. This is great news, right? You are not stuck just because there is fear living in you. In fact, fear is pushing you into more trust in yourself, in life and in what is possible.
When fear is challenged, when doubt is met with compassionate curiosity, when insecurities are explored from a place of love, the important messages being conveyed can be seen, learned from and let go.
I have experienced my fair share of self doubt. One of the reasons I talk about facing fear as much as I do is because I am doing it on a daily basis. Acknowledging what wants to stay hidden in the darkness, what seems unacceptable or unattractive, is where power lies. By exposing the insecurities and exploring the stories they are telling, accessing your strength becomes possible. Pretending fear isn't there doesn't serve anyone long term. Using affirmations and positivity to bypass facing fear and healing insecurity is tempting but not a long term fix. Debbie Ford, a great teacher and mentor, spoke on exposing insecurities and their purpose extensively. She said this in a workshop I attended fifteen years ago: "If you put ice cream (affirmations) on top of poop (insecurity), it might look pretty much it still stinks!"
This statement took me off guard. Hearing this pierced through my hope and fantasy that being positive would wash away what irked me under the surface. Learning to see and sit with insecurities makes healing them possible. Bringing compassion to places of fear and challenging the default to believe their stories is an ongoing practice. It is precisely this process that turns trauma into triumph, difficulty into victory, vulnerability into strength, darkness into light.
Are you ready to heal insecurity, embody confidence and own your personal power?
Give these tips a try:
Once an insecurity is given space to be seen and acknowledged, soothed and honored, resistance lessens or stops completely. If what you resist persists, it is by accepting the insecurity that it can start to shift into something else or fall away. As counter intuitive this is to the mind, it actually works. Not immediately and eventually, absolutely!
Living in light doesn't mean there is no darkness, insecurity, fear or doubt. Embodying light means living fully, acknowledging the spectrum of what it means to be human, loving wholly and leading by example, however imperfect. It is by facing fears and sitting with discomfort that confidence grows. The more bravery and courage are practiced, the more they grow. If you want to live with more light and life, practice what infuses that into you!
Give the tips above a try and be in touch with what you find. Reach out for support. Ask for help to uncover the insecurities in you and explore them until their gifts become visible. Claim the security always in you through acceptance, love and patience with your process. No one is light, bright and positive all the time. Those who live with more security and confidence have faced the dark and practiced celebrating their light.
Wherever you are, whether insecurities are nagging at you or just mumbling below the surface, know you are perfectly human and precisely on time. I am here with you, celebrating the gifts tucked in the unlikeliest of places and holding you in light.
With Huge Heart,
Love: it’s what makes the world go round, it can fascinate and frustrate. A basic human need is for love, giving it and receiving it. While “love is all we need,” according to the Beatles, sharing this state of being and the actions that show it are not always the easiest.
What is your relationship to this thing called Love?
Have you ever wanted so badly to be loved, accepted, connected yet could not get yourself to trust it when and how it came? Have you ever done just the opposite of what you hoped would bring you the love you so desired? Is your perspective on love simple or complex? When given the chance, do you choose love?
Love is a choice, love is a commitment, love is a state of mind and an action. Love requires trusting uncertainty and giving without any guarantee of receiving back what you hope for. I have learned more about love recently, in ways that have baffled me and been life and health changing. What it comes down to is this: love can be created in every moment, whether you are alone or not. In order to receive we have got to give, which can be vulnerable and seem risky. What if love comes then it goes? Will the loss be too much to handle? Loving is worth it even when loss follows, which it will in this world that brings change all the time. Love defies odds, though, time and space too.
Like the popular question begs, “what would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?” - what would you choose if you knew you would be safe and loved? Keeping love at a distance usually comes when there is focus on the future, anxiety about losing later, uncertainty about being accepted…
Coming back to this moment, right here right now, the choice is actually simple: Will you love? Will you look in the mirror and smile at who you see? Is offering the people you pass a smile and gesture of kindness possible? If now is what you have, how can you enhance your capacity to love and therefore live more fully?
There is a time and place for tough love. You know, the kind of encouragement that comes with some grit and gruffness. The attempt to push past what's been holding you back. The "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" talk. I have and continue to see the benefit in this type of love in its tough exterior. When boundaries need to be set and held, when you've reached the enough is enough place, when the cuddling compassion has turned to coddling. Like I said, there is a time and place for more direct, less soft support.
I have recently learned that tough love, even when used with the best of intentions, can cause more harm than help. Sometimes Tough Love just isn't Love.
My Dad died just over three months ago. He dealt with depression for a long time and eventually succumbed to it by taking his own life. I saw him strive to be better, do better, rise from his difficulties. A lot of the time, this came in the form of judgment and harshness rather than compassion and comforting his wounded parts. I saw him try to just "suck it up" and surpass the struggles that kept him hostage for the majority of his life. To be frank, there were times I met him with the same type of tough love he brought to himself. Sometimes it helped, more of the time I think it just added to the hurt. What he needed was understanding and acceptance and patience.
Getting fed up with the status quo can definitely lead to being more harsh. I am catching myself in this more than ever these days. It seems that grief is bringing me front and center with my own wounds, the harsh places in me that say "just figure this out already." In times where harsh comes more quickly than compassion, this is the time I probably need it the most.
Do you relate?
My sister recently reminded me that there are seasons to push and seasons to let what is be. Right now, as much as I want to be somewhere other than here, feeling what I'm feeling, facing what I'm facing, right here is where I am. Pushing through and judging what's happening is causing pain, something I don't need any more of. The idea that just sucking it up and powering through would make anything better is an illusion. This idea, this hope and fantasy that affirming my way out of incredible grief and disillusionment is possible or would make me more safe, secure, comfortable, is pervasive in our society. The truth is, my job right now is to just be. Staying afloat is enough. What I am, what I have, what I bring is enough. For now. In all reality, just being is preparing the path for what's next... even if I can't see it.
This isn't to say I am okay with staying where I am. Not at all. Fighting doesn't yield results though. Acceptance, understanding, and starting fresh again and again does. Before getting back up, it might just be warranted to stay down and rest for a bit. Navigating grief, feeling sadness, needing more quiet, these are asking to be honored. For now.
Drowning in depression is a fear I have, especially with the turn of events that happened with my Dad. The truth is, I have resources and am using them. I have tools he didn't have. I am not him. Toughing it out and trying to bypass this process of initiation, growing up, grieving is an act of dishonor to myself and him. Feeling is important. Whether I like it or not, I am right where I need to be. In the midst of all this, I also have responsibilities and commitments that require me to show up. Life doesn't stop because someone died. In fact, more has happened in the past three months than I could have anticipated.
I have to show up. I get to show up. Maybe not 100%, maybe not with the enthusiasm I'd like to, maybe with inner judgment that's annoying and distracting; even still, I show up. Just as I am. No force or harshness needed. Things are tough enough without adding more.
I wish things were different. I wish my Dad was still here. I wish I could tap into hope and passion in ways I have before. As much as I've tried, it turns out tough loving my way into a new mindset or place isn't working. Compassion is. The thing that is hardest to muster right now is exactly what I need.
Where is in your life are you bringing impatience rather than understanding?
Is tough love taking the driver seat when something else might really help you more?
What would it take for you to give up the push to do more, be different, the drive to change what is?
When in doubt, choose love. Love is the way. Sometimes gentle, sometimes subtle, sometimes bolder, sometimes playful. Tuning into what the most tender parts of you need will guide you, all you have to do is listen and look. If you need support, there is plenty of it here in the Reinvention & Recovery Community and with me. Reach out, you are never alone.
With Huge Heart & Hope,
As an advocate of Reinvention + Recovery, I work with clients to achieve balance, alignment and purpose in all areas