letting go to love

I just let go of something I love. I got the signs as I have so many times before. I heard and saw that it was time to release this phase, to call on trust, to release control of outcomes, to choose myself, to honor love by allowing change. I knew it was time to let go and it was still hard. It is hard. To be candid, I have been ignoring these signs to let go for some time. As I have in situations before, I didn’t want to see what I was seeing. I didn’t want this to be true. I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was time to incite change. I wanted to hold on. The familiar was no longer serving me or the other in optimum ways. We were not thriving. And still, I held on because love was still there. I thought the presence of love meant that I must hold on. I’ve learned that loving means staying loyal, not letting go. Unlearning this rigid belief is happening, though not as gracefully as I would like.

Ignoring the signs did not change the truth. It merely postponed my making choices and actually added a great deal of anxiety to my inner and outer world in the meantime. Fear grew and confusion began clouding the clear signs to act. Being in tune with my body and having a consistent practice of meditation, be it walking, yoga, seated breath exercise, creative play, or writing, has led me to intimately hear the truth and receive guidance on how to proceed in the most appropriate ways. Clear guidance is available. As I connect to my inner wisdom, clarity meets me with ease and tenderness. Actually listening to and following the guidance I receive is up to me.

Letting go and honoring loss is an important part of life. Easy? Not really. Worthwhile? Absolutely. Even in the midst of sadness I know this to be true. Loving is so worth it, all the feelings and experiences it brings. Feeling the loss of a loved one or experience is a sign of our capacity to love. Honoring change, whether it is through a death, releasing a relationship, job transition, graduating from one year of life to the next, or any of the myriad changes life offers, is an ultimate sign of respect for life. Saying okay to change and recalling what has been meaningful is a way to celebrate life. The times of difficulty, decline and discord as well as the times of ease, joy, levity and abundance.

Loving someone, something, somewhere is what makes life meaningful. Holding onto what one loves is common human tendency, and yet it goes against the very nature of love. Doesn’t it? Loving is honoring, appreciating, accepting, seeing, hearing, sensing, savoring and then letting be. Love does not mean to hold on tight and refuse to allow change. As much I as I know this inside, when it comes to letting go of something I care for deeply, the thought doesn’t quite convince me out of feeling loss. They aren’t meant to.

In this time of loss and transition, adjusting to a new normal (for now), I come back to what I know for sure. The place in me where faith resides, where trust lives, where I know there is a bigger picture than I can see where all turns out exactly as its meant to. One thing I know for sure is that love is real. Caring and connecting transcend time and space. Those I have bonded with and shared even sparks of acknowledgment with remain. In me, in them, in the vast web of life we all share. Honestly appreciating does not diminish just because the form of something changes. I think about change in terms of letting go in this way: moving from one grade to the next in school is a rite of passage, a success. It requires trust, time to adjust, and brings with it many feelings both of insecurity and exhilaration to develop and grow. In order to experience what is next, what has been must be let go. Holding onto the first grade would make an entire world of learning, connecting, growing, changing, evolving, and experimenting impossible. Holding on, resisting what is meant to be, denying the natural progression of change is not an act of love at all. It is harmful. All life is a place of learning. When it comes to letting go, as scary as it might be, there is so much more to experience beyond this fear of letting go in love.

Letting go with love is loving. Imagining those I care about who I no longer see or hear in the same way is how love lives on. This is as real as hugging them, showing up to that office, calling her, seeing his smile across the room, giving the furry friend a pet. Honor the loss, remember with love, trust the greater good, be gentle and kind in the process as yes is said to the new.

Here's to Loving + Letting Life Change,
Darcy